First Week

Not only did I learn Talking Heads' First Week, Last Week...Carefree on guitar, but I finished my first week (and more) at OSU. Boy am I ever jacked.

Have you ever had a first week that meant everything to your existence and continual participation with society? We're talking big change.

I think I did, I still am. My summer was in limbo and I'm here now for something new. In a lot of respects, I'm looking to leave my past at CCAD, to discard what I don't want and hold onto whatever is still dear to me. Needless to say, I'm a bit unbalanced at the moment, which doesn't help with all the free time I have here. I'm pushing for a transformation, but all the pieces haven't arrived yet.

What's stopping you from picking up and leaving everything you have behind to feel alive again?

For me, lots of things. But this idea has been on my mind more and more. I need an extended vacation. I need a prolonged moment where I can organize my thoughts and priorities instead of dealing with them all at once. There's plenty slipping through the cracks, however, I'm becoming more tunnel visioned in the process. A good thing? Depends if you think tunnels are sweet. Maybe it would've happened if I instinctly went before my first week.

If you're happy with your life then move on and go!...Unless of course you're bullshitn'.

Isn't it Sunday? Then where in hell is the Sunday paper, bitches!?



Found these hippies the other day...

New Traditions

I've had an internal ticker in my head, counting down the days to my move back to Columbus, and I'm now a week away. And yes, I've been wearin diapers to counteract the uncontrollable urinatin' about it.

I'm humble and proud to not be contesting my marital status.

Besides a sweet Devo album and motto, what exactly does new traditions mean? I guess I found out this summer, especially of late. I didn't force myself to do something I truly didn't want to do, instead I'm nurturing new concepts and going with the flow. Big changes or small, at this point they're not consuming the person I already am, only accenting. For example, I've wanted to start reading more. Well, I still read when I want to, but now I'm flipping pages between four different books (not simultaneously!). I've just been wanting to draw for fun in a sketchbook, so during breaks at work I eat and compose shapes to doodle from after I've finished my meal. I wanted to get back at playing guitar so of course I strap up the demon anytime I'm bored or feel I need to be doing something else.

I'm not going to roll up my sleeves if I'm not getting dirty.
I'm not going to get dirty if I don't roll up my sleeves though.

On Friday, this past week I got to reaffirm my career decision in studying art education at OSU. I went to my highschool and was given the privileage to direct a critique with three different drawing/painting classes. I wonder how many people/students understand the quickness and decisiveness teachers confront themselves with everyday by simply, well teaching.

The best part about moving back down to Columbus? Knowing that within the day my life will be changing once again, voluntarily or not.



I'm not crazy, just passionate.

Birthdays

A year older, and boy do I ever feel wiser! I get an hour a break so when I'm done stuffing my face with einstein bros. fruit salads, I'm drawing these weirdos. Observation and Imagination take your pick.

Since my last post I asked myself what puts me at awe? I wrote down:

The wind
Human nature
Love

Ask me why...

I wonder if we celebrated every birthday we have just like the ones we had as children, would people generally be happier? I think so, and it should be mandatory that a big get together with your friends happens too. Let's face it though, a lot of people could care less if someone they knew made it another year without dying (especially as they grow more older and bitter). Is that too much twist on reality? Maybe, but we live in a world that promotes twisted realities. I hope there comes a day when the people we care about understand that. Talk about BIG business.

We stream and glide like grocery carts...



"You're free to go, the way is clear."

Fireworks

While steep above the mountain range to gaze,
a cough cuts through the chunky air.
The rocks echo the sound, with birds to sing a chorus in flight ahead.

They bring interest to the clear sky like freckles on the skin.

Turning my tent for the wind undertaking
ripping lightly inside my clothes;
it’s sad believing time will wait, until we see wind that blows forever still.

Make haste! The speed shovels the ground:

a gust to friction clouds of dirt
I lose my weight, my cap, my shirt.
I bridge the gap like a broken spindle
with locomotive heat to kindle.
For lust! Desire to touch thimbles
of leaves, of lands, yes modern symbols.

–AY

I wrote it awhile ago, for an actual poetry class. I like reading it to myself, especially on days when I actually wish for the action to happen. Today was one of those days...helplessly hoping (Thank you CS&N).

Yes, I know people who say fireworks suck.

I cried laughing so hard at this phrase. To me, I think most humans contain an awe for them. Once you've seen and heard fireworks once, there isn't much of an aesthetic pleasure to them anymore, yet you still glare in awe.

Your life could be in shambles: you don't know where you're going, what you'll do when you get there or why you were even put here on this earth. But as you lie on your back and stare up at the familiar organization of lights blowing out and spreading across the sky perfectly each time, you realize one thing...

Mankind has and will continue to adore and master the art of the explosion.

And you end up lying there, loving the life you got.

My Groove at the moment

Melt me on the side of the sun
Something's wrong, nothing's wrong
Tell me where the flowers grow
Something's wrong, Nothing's wrong

I'm fading, you're fading
I'm fading, you're fading

-BMSR

Another day goes by, but today's the day I got my first summer pay check. It's rather sad considering that's been the highlight of my week (and no the 4th of July won't be the icing).

You live a little and you learn just how far away you are from reaching your goals. Sometimes the motivation you thought you had coming from the who's or what's isn't motivation at all. No, not motivation, but actual conflicting nature to your own that has stopped your progression.

What a douche chunk.

New BMSR/ MJ Fanboy

"Tooth Decay", just one of my many favorite songs off Black Moth Super Rainbow's new album I found Eating Us. Mars Volta also has got another album out; a bit laid back, but is pretty fitting for the summer.

I'm in no means in love with Michael Jackson, but by god a cardiac arrest? I'm wondering if anyone told him, "Hey Mike fifty tour dates...wow, that's a BIG deal. But hey! No need to kill yourself getting ready for the comeback."

He must of had to reply with, "Excuse me, do you know how many fifty tour dates is?"

I was having a quasi argument with a new friend over which loss affects mankind more: Heath Ledger or MJ. She was hands down H.L. and I was over the top with REALLY? Maybe if H.L. ruined his talent by going under the knife more times then you can count and followed up with some child molesting accusations I could put them in the same ball park.

And Heath was never able to move my body like Michael could...

Alpha Omega Pilgrim: The Superhero of his Time

Daddy's Home

Somewhere I know I'll find where my head lies. Like a fly on a globe, I'll find a place I like and rest for awhile. An area that stuns me to draw indoors and out, to lie on my back and stare at the sky.

I've been away for awhile yes, but been back home and busy with odds and ends. The above sentences have been one of the only things I've scribbled down since leaving Columbus. That and this:

Not having a clue is half the reason we wake up. everyday.

This may be a workable phrase of what I want a tagline for myself to be? I'm going to be transforming my website/blog in the next coming weeks to something I originally wanted it to look like. I'm very excite for this and Sacha Baron Cohen's BRUNO movie coming in July. I MAY just go out and see it. In experimenting out of my excitement I came up with this sketch:

"Keep your hands off ma Willie, Nelson."

P.S. You should try XTC

Resume building on the bus

The irony in this conversation was amazing. A pretty, assertive blonde who's left her own business to become an assistant manager at walmart is giving sound advice to a young, scared recently graduated black man. How did they meet? Was it on the bus or did they know each other before this fateful ride? 

There's good people in this world still is what I scribbled into my notepad while sitting beside them. I also wrote...

I've been given such an opportunity to attend OSU this fall and reach for something. I can't be brought down any lower then I have and I know I'm on a higher wavelength then those around me. Is this the saving grace that's been hiding from me during this past month? I know I must get focused, I must get serious with my career. I'm above it all now, it's time to keep my chin up and respect my responsibilities.

If we can't find true love, do we understand that we can live in happiness with ourselves? It doesn't matter that the idea isn't executed yet, it's about showing that you can believe and follow through. 

Is that in your resume she said.

I'm missing a lot of things right now

The seeds flying into the air were unknown to me. They weren't constructed like dandelions or cat en nine tail seeds, but they continued to blow and streak in massive numbers across the land. They sat in the grass, swept across the ground all around us. Seeds of change I thought. Seeds of time/moments blown away that were once there. Now they've left to reproduce elsewhere and flourish on the own. 

I scooped one up on my finger. Where will it go? Could I travel with it? I really have a desire to leave this life and bare it on my own somewhere easier. Because things haven't been easy. It was so fitting for the cottony seeds to be surrounding my friend and I in the car at Olentangy. We had just finished discussing a query involving our lives at our small art college. In many ways, we felt we haven't turned a new chapter over in our lives from high school to college. Both of us have experienced reasons to believe that we were only adding pages to our adolescent lives. I wonder if I've grown from my experiences. I think about this more and more lately. 

I know I have, however. More and more I know my life was different four years ago and it's different now that I'm finished with a BFA. It's simple to declare a major part of your life as an unchanging past because we're beyond it now, we've grown smarter and better from the experience. Is it human nature to feel arrogant towards that?

The seeds have passed on from me. I can see my life floating right now with them, waiting for a heavy wind to take them to their new location/my new chapter. The question remains in my mind though; Am I supposed to be carried away alone?

NASA–People Tree

This song and video has cheered me up on a lot of empty days. The duo verse at the end blows my mind everytime.

And I know the Truth

I took the bus out today and met with an old friend. It's so surprising when you're on your own, you can easily see why they're simply a friend and nothing else. Of course, it might be my mind comparing her with the few great friends I've had in my life. If nothing else, the trip out made me appreciate the good people I know and perhaps has given me a good book to read as well.

On the bus ride to downtown Columbus, with no ipod or stalking conversation with other bus riders, I began to write down some quick one liners in comparison to what I was looking at outside my window. Here they are:

I don't remember the details, but I can tell you that a loose page is different depending on the person who takes ownership over it.

Sometimes a headstone is not enough.

The power of water in rivers, lakes and oceans is pacified with each bridge built.

I'm nearly frightened at the amount of motor vehicles in every city across the world.

I'm sleeping later and later nowadays with continual dreams that are pleasant until I wake up. My body has not yet conformed to the regularity that my life has become now. I've just pulled through four years of routine which had made my mind, body and soul cowering. Now I have nothing, no considerable stress or problems inflicting my life. Because of this, I've been thinking so much more about the little things in my life and transforming them into the major problems. Of course, the trouble with that is there is nothing I can do on that end. I can't begin living on my own in Columbus while starting OSU school right now in the summer. I can't get away from my feelings about the girl who's been with me through thick and thin. I was walking down the street with all these feelings pulling me inside out, and I began to say: I know the truth.

And I do. I realize that when put into perspective, I do know the truth about these major head scratchers. I don't know, however, how these troubles will pan out for me in the near future. 

You can love the girl and love your life, but sometimes you can't love both. 

I wish I had a beard to scratch this summer.

Graduating into a Beautiful World

The day finally came and I'm really happy it's over and done with. I was told that art college graduations are fun and pretty crazy, but CCAD's 130th commencement wasn't too mind boggling. I gave this speech as former student government president of our senior class:

Beliefs. When it comes down to it, I think I’ve learned the strongest skill while at CCAD in knowing what my beliefs are. With your permission I’d like to share some of them with you today.
I believe that when my mind sends a nerve impulse through my body that feels like I’m getting kicked in the ribs, that means I’m hungry and I should make a sandwich.
I also believe there are times when our mind and body know where we need to go, what we need to do, what we should and shouldn’t say and what happens next before we consciously do. And there are times when our conscience can screw that all up.
I believe that when a skeleton walks into a bar, he will always ask for a beer and a mop.
I trust and believe that we will all be able to look back at ourselves 15 years from now and see we still have some of the wild and unorthodox natures we did while we were at CCAD.
I believe we all have the knowledge to know that good people respect good opinions no matter who they’re coming from.
I believe we can be absolutely crazy sometimes to the ones we love.
I also believe that the ones who love us right back don’t think we’re crazy, just annoying.
I believe all of us graduating today have the tools needed to find out who we are out there in the real world.
And finally as I look at you all, my friends and fellow graduates. I believe that after the hell they put us through, it doesn’t matter what happens out there because we’re standing here right now with our degrees and we’ll always fight for what we believe in.

I got inspired on a bus ride home the day before graduation. The subject was fitting considering I've been doubting some of my beliefs for the past week. The month I've had has made me quite weary about my true feelings towards life and someone who's fallen away from me. With all these big changes happening around me: graduating, breaking up and being accepted into grad school, I'm not sure where my real feelings are at the moment. I already feel so different, so happy leaving the life I had while in college. I am, however, wishing that some of things in my life hadn't left. Not just yet atleast...

I've recently been having dreams again (it's amazing what a graduation can do for a student who's been overstressed and routined for four years) and let me tell you, they've been good. You wake up happy when you have a realistic dream that shows off the woman you'll marry, the family you'll have and the life you'll share with them. Of course I soon realize I'm twenty two, with no real foot in the door of that dream.

So here I am, with so much in front of me, but still in limbo. It's times like these that you realize the world is too big for you. It's time for some simplicity, it's time to crank out some of that inner beauty, to reach out and hold onto the things you need and desire and bring the world back down to your size, just the way you like it.

If only I could find that pulley system.

A Bullrush of Ideas

So I guess I can't methodically ramble...or reveal thoughts I have about my artistic ideas on the internet; that would be like throwing a baby bottle of breast milk into a pen of nursing infants right? I'd like to think I'm a bit smarter than that, but who am I?

I am a creep! I am a silent listener, that's who I am! But I'm also a new grad student at OSU's Columbus Campus and I should probably clarify what I really mean before I'm spit out like back–wash. I like to listen into conversations whether I'm in them or not. You could say I'm interested in human interaction, although truthfully I'd rather not respect the context that most interesting things are ringside with. One man's trash is another man's treasure, only in my case I'd rather make sure your vocal garbage isn't lying right next to the untied, boiling dirty diapers. It's not that I don't care, I would rather keep myself happy in the process, that's all.

Almost every day, I take atleast one forty minute bus ride to get to where I'm going. And It's no lie that most of the time it's the best part of the day for me. Public transportation maybe be one of the only times you can find the similarity between a suit and a bum besides the same transfer card. It's a good chuckle, and that's why I love to listen and watch. I want this blog to be a release of information just like all the other millions. It's in the same vain of the Overheard site, just with an artistic twist. Here's to hoping I gain more followers on this than Jesus Christ did during his public diary days.

Oh, and I'm not a voyeurist...I'm pretty sure there's a sign on the bus condemning it along with food, drink and loud music. Let's have some fun and keep our hands away from the open windows.